As I’m writing this out, I’m alone in my bedroom, in the dark, unable to get out of bed on this beautiful Sunday afternoon. Why, you might ask? Let me tell you, but please know that I am not going to sugarcoat anything. Here, I will be sharing the bad and ugly side of mental illness.
TRIGGER WARNING: This blog post will discuss sensitive subjects, such as suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and more. Proceed with caution.
Everyone with mental illness suffers in their own way, but we all tend to feel alone in what we go through (although we, realistically, know better). Every diagnosis, every person, is different.
Today’s challenge will probably be the most difficult one that I’ve had to do, and you will soon understand why. As this challenge comes to an end, this is a good way to finish everything and pull it all together. Between deep, personal posts, to funny, or uplifting posts, I feel this challenge as been a great way to know who I am behind the screen.
As you read by the title, I’m going to be writing a letter to someone. For me, this someone isn’t just anyone. If you didn’t know already, my family lost my grandpa 4 months ago. He was the glue of our family, and losing him has been the most difficult things we’ve gone through as a family. If I could write him a letter today, here is everything that I would say to him.
At some point, most of us have been embarrassed by something that’s been said or done, whether by us, or to us. If you haven’t, well, consider yourself lucky because I wish I didn’t get embarrassed as easily as I do.
Years ago, I was diagnosed with anxiety. Although common, it is a bitch to deal with, to put it lightly. My anxiety is more from a social standpoint, which includes feeling uncomfortable or appearing awkward in social settings, especially when meeting new people, struggling to talk on the phone, or going places by myself, being in crowds (big or small), and so on. Due to this, it’s very easy for me to get embarrassed, and sometimes causes me to have a panic attack.
When I was a little girl, I was truly obsessed with animals. The bond that you can have with your cat or dog is so beneficial for mental and emotional health, I swear by that. Their excitement for seeing you after you’ve been at work all day, showering you with love, kisses, and cuddles; I’m just not sure how life gets much better than that.
With all of the love and devotion animals give to humans out of the kindness of their souls, I wanted to someday have the chance to “give back.” All I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a veterinarian. Having the opportunity to learn about them more in-depth, help them, keep them safe, and make sure they’re healthy – it’s all I ever dreamed of. I wanted to work with animals for the rest of my life.
When I was almost 18 years old, I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend, at the time, and I had been together for over 2 years by this point. He was ecstatic when I told him that the test showed positive, and came to pick me up. From there, we went to the store to buy another test, and went back to his Aunt’s house to take it. As soon as it, too, came back positive, he called everyone he could just to tell them we were pregnant.
I was excited because I’d always wanted to be a mother someday, but I was also embarrassed. The father of my child, although I loved him, had cheated on me more than once, and everyone knew it. Plus, we were young. I was petrified of others finding out I was carrying his child, but over time, that faded away. The more excited and attached I became, the less I cared what others thought of my situation. In the end, I knew that no matter what happened between the father and I, I would always have my baby.
If you follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or my Facebook page, then you probably saw my post a few weeks ago regarding the couple’s edition Q&A for my boyfriend and I. Well, now it’s finally time for your questions to be answered.
Below are a list of questions that we were asked by friends and family, where no question was to go unanswered.
The idea of vacation gets anyone excited, but especially as hard-working adults/parents, the idea of an “escape” almost feels impossible at times. For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamed of where I would like to vacation. Growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money, so we never had the luxury of being able to do so. As an almost 25 year old adult, I still have yet to travel very far or see much.