Welcome back for day 10 of my blog challenge. This one seemed a little difficult for me, so I asked a few people that know me really well to help me out. Here were their responses:
- “That you’re evil lol”
- “Sometimes the way you say things. You can sound serious or say something rude/mean, but be joking/being playful.”
- “That you are big bad and tough, and only care about you. You are truly nice, would do anything for others, have a big huge heart – but don’t mistake that for weakness…”
Before I start, I’d like to clarify a little more on those responses. Two of them are from family, and one is from a dear friend. My family knows me, inside and out, and has been around for a lot of my personal matters – good and bad. With that said, I have been/done those things in the past.
You see, I’ve always been good with words, but my tone, attitude, and the fact that I’m blunt do not help, at times. What I mean by that is, for example, if someone came to me about relationship advice regarding an abusive asshole, I’d be completely honest with you. I wouldn’t tell you what you want to hear, I’d tell you what you need to hear. Considering I’ve been there, it’s a personal, touchy subject that I’d elaborate on. Due to my straight-forward, brutally honest way of doing things, some people don’t like it. They feel as though I’m coming off rude/bitchy, even when I’m not meaning to be; even when I truly mean well.
Other times, I’ve been known to make jokes about something, but I have a dry sense of humor and they can’t really tell that I’m joking. I’ve hurt people’s feelings in the past this way, and it’s not OK. Even if I meant it as a joke, it may come across rude or they may feel personally attacked by my comment. I’ve been working on it everyday since being made aware of that, but it’s always a work in progress.
Believe it or not, many people have told me that I appear bitchy and unapproachable when they first meet me. I don’t know entirely why, but it could be that I physically present myself that way due to my social anxiety and feeling nervous/crippled when someone tries to talk to me. It’s definitely not meant to be taken personally, I guess it’s just my outer shell.
When someone gets to know me, though, they realize I’m actually an extremely caring individual. I’ll go out of my way to help or be there for those I care about. My heart is on my sleeve at all times. I do put on this bad ass, “I don’t care about anything” front, but I feel deeper than most believe. I’m a very sensitive, emotional person, I just don’t show it anymore. I’ve been hurt and let down too many times to let anyone too close to me, so even if you do hurt me or let me down, I won’t allow myself to show you that you did. I’ve gotten to the point of just cutting people out of my life.
That’s another thing – cutting people out of my life. Especially over the last year or two, I’ve cut out a lot of people in my life that I thought would be around forever. After being ignored, put down, disrespected, bailed on, and more, repeatedly, by the same people, I let them go. Blocked them, do not see or contact them, and want nothing to do with them. Do not misconstrue that as me not caring, because I definitely do still care about them. Deeply. I just care about myself and my mental health SO much more than to be disrespected and treated like my feelings don’t matter.
What do people misunderstand about you? Let me know in the comments below, and what you do to show them otherwise.
Day 11 coming soon.