If you follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or my Facebook page, then you probably saw my post a few weeks ago regarding the couple’s edition Q&A for my boyfriend and I. Well, now it’s finally time for your questions to be answered.
Below are a list of questions that we were asked by friends and family, where no question was to go unanswered.
@amanduhhplease1: What are your biggest parenting struggles?
- A: Being selfless, at times. There are times Aiden will want to ride his bike or play basketball, but it’s my day off or it’s really hot outside and I don’t feel like it. I have to remind myself that it’s not always about me, and to let him enjoy his childhood.
- D: I’ve never been a patient person in any aspect of my life, but it’s even more challenging as a mom, sometimes. I’m trying to get better at it, though.
@norwegiaangirl: How did you meet your boyfriend?
- D: Austin and I met through a dating app called POF (plenty of fish).
@norwegiaangirl: What were the 3 most important things you were looking for when looking for a house?
- A: Central heat a/c, budget, not a fixer-upper.
- D: I wanted an open kitchen, a backyard, and plenty of storage space.
@dequayla1: How do y’all both handle when someone out of your family doesn’t like/said bad things about each other?
- A: Used to, I’d let it happen, but I’ve gotten better about speaking up.
- D: My family has never really said anything negative about Austin, but if they ever did out of anger and/or spite, I’d definitely have something to say about it.
@dequayla1: Is there wedding bells and a baby soon?
- A: Let’s hope so!
- D: Fingers crossed.
@dequayla1: Does Austin have kids?
- A: Yes, I do. My son, Nathan, is 1 day older than Aiden is.
- D: He does. Nate is the same age as Aiden, and I desperately wish they could meet one another.
@dequayla1: How many kids do y’all want?
- A: 1.
- D: I want 2 more.
@dequayla1: How’s y’all’s sex life?
- A: Great!
- D: What sex life? Jk. No complaints here!
@dequayla1: If y’all have trouble within your relationship, is it handled inside of your home or do intrudes handle it for you?
- A: Inside the home.
- D: Always between the two of us.
@dequayla1: How’s the communication with one another when y’all are upset?
- A: If we take a step back, we’re able to handle it at a later time. If we try to handle it right away, it usually escalates.
- D: Austin is wonderful. He’s patient, understanding, and doesn’t raise his voice. When I’m angry or hurt, it’s hard for me to talk right away. I tend to shut down. He gives me a little time and space, and then we’re able to communicate.
@dequayla1: Austin, how does it feel to be a stepdad?
- A: Amazing, because it allows me to live vicariously through Aiden due to being unable to see my son.
@dequayla1: How did y’all come about buying a house together without being married?
- A: I don’t like the idea of wasting money renting, and I wanted to buy a house anyway, so it just made sense. Us not being married never crossed my mind as a factor.
- D: We planned to buy eventually anyway, but it was finally possible, and so we did. Everything is in his name due to us not being married, so if anything happened, it would be his home.
@dequayla1: Are y’all worried about what your family thinks? (I wouldn’t, but this isn’t about me)
- A: Sure, sometimes, but not nearly as much. This is my (our) life, and my (our) happiness.
- D: Absolutely. Sometimes. I’m big on family, and my family means everything to me. Their opinion means the world to me, but if it ever became toxic (without good reason) in regards to my relationship, I would express that I’m not OK with it.
@dequayla1: How is it handling your man, your kid, and your depression?
- D: With my mental illness, my depression and BPD are probably the most difficult to handle in a relationship and parenthood. I’m constantly battling thoughts of not feeling good enough, like they’d be better off without me, or how they deserve so much better. It’s definitely overwhelming at times, but my boys always reassure me, and shower me with love.
@dequayla1: How’d y’all meet?
- A: I found her on POF.
- D: We met through POF, but he definitely wasn’t the one who found me. I found him, but he reached out to me first.
@dequayla1: When/where was y’all’s first date?
- A: A hotel, I guess?
- D: I honestly can’t remember.
@dequayla1: Did y’all have problems with each other’s friends?
- A: Not at first, but we don’t really have any.
- D: When we had friends, not exactly. Not in the beginning, at least. After a while of seeing how some of my “friends” were acting towards me, Austin always voiced that he didn’t like the one-way friendships.
@dequayla1: Do y’all enjoy each other’s choice in music?
- A: Yes.
- D: For the most part, it’s the same. But some of the shit he listens to blows my mind. (Disclaimer: He also likes to sing in the car, but doesn’t know 95% of the lyrics. So there’s that.)
@ashnicholebro: When did you know that y’all were the ones for each other?
- A: Yesterday (jk). As soon as she knew about my past and wanted me anyways.
- D: For me, there wasn’t a set time that I just knew. It was an accumulation of time and his actions. From the beginning, he was more patient and understanding of my past than anyone ever had been before. Over time, he’s dealt with and helped me through my mental health when, in the past, most have left or been verbally abusive.
@ashnicholebro: What is your favorite thing about each other?
- A: How she brings out the best in me. She pushes me to be a better version of myself.
- D: His heart. He’s empathetic to others, understanding, cares deeply, and loves with everything he has.
@ashnicholebro: What is the hardest thing that y’all had to get used to when moving in together?
- A: One bathroom.
- D: Realizing how differently we do things, and compromising. A lot.
@ashnicholebro: How many kids do y’all want to have together?
- D: 1-2, we’ll see who wins.
@ESWTea: How did becoming parents change your relationship?
- A: It didn’t, we were always parents.
- D: We’ve been parents since before we met, but unfortunately, Austin doesn’t get to see his son. With that said, he’s adjusted to being a full-time parent with having Aiden around, as well as having to co-parent with Aiden’s father and stepmother. It was harder for him in the beginning, but he’s a WONDERFUL parent.
@lashleykevin23: What’s your best memory with one another?
- A: Not living so far away from one another.
- D: A while back, before we lived together, he drove an hour and a half to come see me. We parked his truck in a field, and slept under the stars for a few hours before he had to drive back home for prior obligations. It was a night I will never forget. BUT, living together has definitely been an adventure. Being able to spend time with him as often as I want is the best thing I could ever ask for.
@dandie1995: Who is more dominant in bed?
- A: Me.
- D: Neither of us are really “dominant” in bed, but I guess it would be more him (because I let him).
@dandie1995: How did each of you find a way to want to be together after the previous relationships? What made you want to do that again?
- A: With her, it was easy. I knew what I wanted, and she did, too.
- D: Honestly, I wasn’t ready for a relationship when we met. At all. I was still damaged from the one before. But, with Austin, we became friends first. We talked everyday, learned things about one another, and he was SO patient/understanding with me. It wasn’t long before I was smitten with him, and couldn’t resist when he made it official.
@toriegh_lanaigh: What are some things that both of you have realized that have made y’alls relationship stronger than previous relationships?
- A: People are different, and you have to be willing to compromise to make it work sometimes.
- D: He actually communicates with me, which is something that is apparently unheard of, because I’d never had it before. We’ve gotten through SO much just by sitting down and talking with one another.
@toriegh_lanaigh: What are some things that you as individuals learned you have to work on in your relationship?
- A: Patience.
- D: Patience, communicating when I’m upset, and not always getting what I want as soon as I want it (he’s spoiled me).
@toriegh_lanaigh: What are some things that you have noticed about each other that just stands out of any other relationship y’all have had (the good)?
- A: She’s more down-to-earth when it comes to co-parenting than what I’m used to.
- Again, his patience and understanding when it comes to my mental health, but also, how loving and affectionate he is with me. No one has ever loved, cared for, supported, encouraged, or truly wanted what was best for me the way that he has/does.
@jenikris76: Since Papa’s passing, going through the trials with Aiden, your own relationships between yourselves and family, your personal mental health, AND the process of buying a house over the last few months.. how have the three of you coped through all of this?
- A: Pretty well.
- D: It definitely hasn’t been easy. I, personally, have not grieved Papa’s passing, and I’m not sure when/if I will actually allow myself to do so. Especially once Aiden’s grief started to appear, I had to focus everything that I had on him. I’m not sure how we made it onto the other side, or if we entirely have, but we are here, and we’re doing OK.
@beetacheeta: What was the easiest age to raise your son?
- D: The easiest? Is parenthood ever really easy? No, but seriously, I’d have to say the first year or two were easier (at least on my mental health). And although I miss having a little baby, it’s so much fun having a 6 year old. He can go places and do things with me that he couldn’t before, and hearing him tell me that I’m beautiful or that he loves me — it’s unlike anything else.
@beetacheeta: What is your favorite activity for you, your boyfriend, and your son to do together?
- D: We have what Aiden’s like to refer to as a “family lay down,” which is where we all cozy up on the couch together, wrapped up in one another, and watch our favorite TV shows together (Supernatural or “FBI,” which is Criminal Minds).
@beetacheeta: How/when did you realize you wanted Austin to be a father figure to Aiden?
- D: It wasn’t easy for Austin to adjust to being a full-time parent at first — always having to have the child’s best interest at heart, and their needs first. But he adjusted quickly, and loves Aiden so much. I believe it was more when he wanted to step up and do more. Help provide for him, take him to do things Aiden would enjoy, helping to raise him into a respectable gentleman, etc. He’s everything I could’ve asked for as my son’s father figure, and I cannot wait to have children of our own.
Hopefully we answered all of your questions, and if I somehow missed yours, I truly apologize. If this post made you think of any you’d like to ask, leave them in the comment section below and I will answer there.
Until next time,
XOXO, Danielle & Austin